I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it's like iHOP with fire
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
tell me about the fingering
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
