***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
