Got a toothbrush?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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