weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Randomize
