I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
