Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
