you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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