My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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