Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
