i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
operation have a gay friend backfired
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
