What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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