Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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