I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
