I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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