Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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