I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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