My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
