Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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