He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I would fuck him just for his dog
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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