Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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