Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
