Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is my gift to your gina
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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