i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
