And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We're too hungover to prance.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
