Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
