There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
