Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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