what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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