Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
