guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
