I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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