What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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