how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She's the barista slut.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
