i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
