Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
