I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
