seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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