Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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