I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
