I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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