I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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