Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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