Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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