My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Someone signed my nipple.
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