He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
