I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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