I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
