i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
