Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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