Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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