Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
