I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
