you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
