Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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