No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
