They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
