also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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