i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
