i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
