i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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