Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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