I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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