You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
