I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
grandma shit on top of the toilet
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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