i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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