could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I still have a little drunk in my system
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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