Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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