i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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