When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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