what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
