and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
