I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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