Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
